So, for over a week, I’ve toggled around the thought of never going back to church again. After speaking with a few people and suggestions coming from the most unexpected ones, I decided I would continue attending. Then the migraine hit. Being at work, where the sun blazes in any given window, I felt closest to You. Even as the attacks kept coming, I decided to trust in what i could not see. My decision was made. Though I was in extreme agony, I continued praying. The more I prayed, the worse the pain.
What’s the plan? That’s all I have to say. There’s no way that could have been anything less than a spiritual attack. I say this not to build me up, but to say that I’ll follow, and next time, I hope I say it sooner.
Filed under: ministryupdate
When it was found out that I was leaving the church, many tried to convince me that it was not a wise decision. I realize I need a home church, that I need connection with others, but it can’t really be this boring. What happened to “God wants to lead you on an adventure.” I’m beginning to think that maybe a structured church is not the way to go, but we are , quite literally, the church.
For example, if I know someone in need and God doesn’t need my money, should it go to the person in need, or to a building that is not essential to the glory of God? I understand the need for fellowship, but who actually speaks to people at church, except when they’re there. I went to The Refuse last night, and I love John and Cara, but could I not get the same thing from my Bible at home? Actually, I probably couldn’t, so I’ll digress, for now.
I guess the real question, since Castle West, is “Where should I, if I should, give my money?” I know everyone says tithing is outdated, but I believe it’s an act of faith. On the other side of the coin, I believe that should be between you and God. I hate limbo, but I keep praying about it. I keep praying for a miraculous encounter with God to take place, where He tells me what to do. I know I could get out of debt much faster without tithing, but I can’t live a life of indifference to others’ needs. With churches today, do they recieve money from the government? How do they run successfully when nobody attends? If you’re reading this and have any insight, feel free to comment. Please be patient with a reply, though. This isn’t a spark for debate, but a true question as to what I should financially contribute and to whom.
Filed under: Plans
When not home, do something productive. Hanging with friends is productivity. Balance work and play.
Money is not the objective, but good management is helpful.
Keep building-God, family, friends, outreach.
Stay in my hole when home.
Grow to new heights.
Praise God first.
Love.
Pray.
God, thank You for blessing me so.
Filed under: ministryupdate
I think we finally got the right person as our Children’s Director. She seems so on fire to teach the kids in a fun way about God. We had a meeting last night, all the teachers and the pastor and his wife, and the new Director. And God met us there. As much of a pleasure as I think it will be to work with her, I may have to stop teaching soon. I think I got my calling wrong, but I’m still praying over it. I’m not upset either way it turns out.
A funny little thought just popped into my head: Do people get to a point where, without realizing it, they try to control those around them with kindness? What an odd, yet appropriate, wonderment. Regardless, I must keep moving.
Filed under: Letters to God
I said too much. I said too little. God, can you find a rock for me to hide under? The hole I dug is not quite enough. i’m sure we’ll all laugh about this later; not today, though. My own insecurities haunt me, while everyone else is on sensitivity patrol. I’m just gonna keep typing til I don’t feel sick. You see the me no one else wants to see, yet You love me. Thank You for the people You put in my path to take the seriousness out of life. On the same token, thank You for the ones who believe what I say about what I feel.
As this new year seems to have started teetering already, remind me of the rock I stand on. No matter what I feel, You are here. When I worry too much, when I feel left out and alone, when i try to control things and remember You. God, in all these things I find comfort, but especially in Your love, grace, and mercy. And the greatest is still love.
I felt kinda neglected when Jo came home, and still do to some extent. Who am I to keep her away from her family and her responsibilities, though. Thank You that Christi invited me over and we had that long talk. Hopefully, I helped her as much as she helped me. Unfortunately, I made something out of nothing because i was still in that mindset. Ok, now I’m laughing.
I’ve done what I can do, and the rest is up to You. I had hoped things would change, but now I realize they won’t. Move in my heart, L0rd; strengthen me for these trials. It’s all about You. Be glorified.
Filed under: Angela's Journal
As this year draws to a close, I pray that ‘07 is better. Not that I didn’t learn a lot this year. I’ve been surprised by random acts of kindness that made me feel worse for witnessing them, mistrusted the wrong people, trusted the wrong ones, and have learned how to deal with rejection in a better manner.
I have learned a lot from my friends, a lot more from my enemies, and a little about myself. I’ve questioned God, got answers from the unlikeliest sources, and have grown to appreciate relationships more as they develop. I have surprised myself about how cynical I became for awhile, and was surprised even more when those who are closest to me stood by and said, you guessed it, nothing.
Of all things I’ve learned about myself, the list is topped by this comment that was made about me.” Stregnth is found when you want to here what you don’t really want to hear.” What it boils down to is wanting to know when people think you’re wrong, out of respect for the relationship, and the love and courage to tell the truth, no matter what. So, there’s 2006 in a nutshell.
Happy New Year, all.
Numbers 6:24-26
24 ‘May the Lord bless you
and protect you.
25 May the Lord smile on you
and be gracious to you.
26 May the Lord show you his favor
and give you his peace.’
