Ministry, Work, Love, and Life

It’s been over a month since I last planned to quit smoking. I was almost there. Honestly, I do enjoy it. I know I’m enslaved to a plant; I know I’m addicted, as much as any crackhead. I’m not one for excuses, so I won’t even try. I just pray for my sanity as I lean on you, because I can’t do it. My hope is in You alone.

You see the changes in my life, the people I deal with, the things I consider trials; You see it all. I don’t ask for You to change these things; I ask You to change me. Strengthen my shoulders to bear the weight. When I start trying to control things, remind me that it’s all in Your hands, not mine. I know others have worse troubles than  I think I do, and I pray for Your strength in them, too. You are holy, all-encompassing, all-knowing, and great and mighty enough to save us from ourselves. Deliver us from evil. In Jesus’ name. Amen

I give You my relationships, as I may have ruined them all. I have never felt so empty as I did this year. Christmas season opened my eyes. God, I don’t understand how I can try so hard to develop friendships and feel fruitless in them. Even within my family, I seem to be on the outskirts of a clique that I will never be a part of. What is so appalling about being open and honest with others? Not to the point of being mean or rude, but at least a certain amount of it. What’s the big deal about telling friends that you miss them? Or a kiss on the cheek? No wonder marriages don’t last here; I celebrate every one that has lasted past the annulment period. Anyway, I guess that’s my spiel for today.