After what seems a very long absence, Angela returns. Not any wiser as to the ways of the world, but more peacefully than before. I had some time of remembering Erin, and I found myself eager, in a sense, to forget her. I can’t describe the pain and despair that I have felt for that week.
Not even my closest friends were privy to it, until it was over. It hit me at work, it hit me at home, it hit me in the car; everywhere I went, she was there, yet I knew she wasn’t. I will never see my sister again, unless she accepted Christ before she died.
The clincher is that both my nieces, though uniquely their own little people, remind me so much of her and our visiting times are put to rest. I don’t resent them, I never could, but, man, do I ever miss her.
My roommates are going thru struggles different than my own, and it’s frightfully hard to live with a married couple that have a very strong relationship, and still see struggles. Yet, hope fills me.
i just made amends with a longtime friend, and now don’t really know why.Actually, now I remember. My relationship with God was suffering because I held so much against them. We talked things over, as you do, and I believe we’re both the better for it. My new small group has deemed me in charge of service projects, yet that has been unfruitful. I love the people in my group, and in my church, but something is missing terribly.
As for Mark and Martha, we still keep things light, and they also had no clue of what i was thinking the last time I saw them and the girls.
While I do feeel a little better after taking my thyroid medication, I wonder how long that will last. I am seriously considering acupuncture as treatment, but I’m not sure where to begin with that.
Work has become harder than I expected, especially since I had a week of not wanting to talk to anybody about anything, yet wanting to scream to everybody, “My sister’s dead. You can’t do anything to help me, so don’t even try!”
I wonder if this has something to do with pretty much all of my friends becoming more of acquaintances as of late, and my failure to get out of the”woe is me” fog. Yeah, right, I know it has. That and money. Hey, any excuse will do at this point, but no this is more a call to myself for action and to start the wheeels turning again.
So, I’m off, I’ve got friends to pester, after a few deep breaths.
Filed under: Angela's Journal
Yeah, theyre wonderful things. Unfortunately, somone has sank my battleship. It’s been renamed, in reference to the fight it is to keep in shape. So, let’s see, where did we leave off? Moving went well. The House threw me a birthday party and gave me a card that simply said, “Welcome home” Sweet. Had to work on my birthday, but it wasn’t bad. I get the girls on Thursdays, except this week. Martha’s dropping them off tomorrow. The tension I used to feel going home is gone.
The best news is that they changed my schedule, so I have weekends off after the 7th and I don’t have to be there until 7am.Very sweet. Stll not on the thyroid medication, as I should be, but stress-free is much better. I can go back to church and I restarted my quiet time with God. I still miss my friends that don’t live here, but I’m sure they’ll call sometime. I guess that’s it. God bless.
