Ministry, Work, Love, and Life

   How can you feel so loved and unloved at the same time? While I know and feel very grateful that God loves me, and I know He is supposed to come first in my life, this has been a struggle. I look at all these people around me, and I can’t help but wonder, “Why?”

   How is it that people who don’t really even think about God, let alone care, find love, however shallow it may be; and not that it really matters, because they think it’s love, it is love? Someone actually asked me why “someone like me” isn’t married yet. Besides the initial usual answer,” If I wanted to play games, I have parcheesi at home”, I should have asked what, “someone like me” meant. Especially from someone who has two kids and isn’t married, either.

   Meanwhile, a few of my friends are all having problems with their relationships. Which led to my oh so smart, yet not thought out quip to my boss, ” And you ask why I’m single?” He asked me what I meant by it. Let me explain it this way.

   You love your significant other so deeply, you can’t fathom living without them.  You decide one day to visit at their place of employment, to which you walk up on the person bashing you profusely on everything you do, everything you say, just everything.

   I don’t want to be that person. Not because I don’t want to be bashed, but I want to believe that their would be more respect in a relationship than that. Someone who treats me the same whether I’m around or not. It hurts me to see these people bash the one thing I don’t have, and maybe never will. To see people my age realize that the chances of finding love are very slim, because what you learn from the elders is, given the chance, they wouldn’t have ever gotten married.

   I don’t want to be the one that has a relationship that is treated with such contempt as to say that it was a joke, again. To cause a feeling in another person that they can’t talk to me honestly and still be loved. Love is sacred when you can find it, whether it be between friends, parent and child, husband and wife, whatever.

   Unrequitted love? Ouch. I have friends that I love very much. Wouldn’t get romantically involved with them, but I love them. When I start to show it, in any circumstance, they tend to get a bit leary of me. They don’t say anything, they just kinda, for lack of a better way, retreat into their shells. Which is why I wouldn’t get involved with them. Funny that if they asked why, I would say, “Because I love you”, to which, I’m sure they would just turn tail and run for lack of comprehending in which sense I meant it.

   And on this note, my home life is improving since my brother’s mom has been going to a woman’s group. Staying home all the time is not healthy. Now, I have to go to our, “Family meeting” You can’t imagine how excited I really am about this. It’s taken forever to get it implemented.

   Maybe I can get my car looked at today, too!! Maybe.