Ministry, Work, Love, and Life

  Quite literally. After reviewing my current situation and realizing there is no hope for me apart from God, He opened my eyes to why my problems continue.This is the answer to life. Only God can tell you what you’re doing wrong.

 It may be subtle, but it’s there. You have to trust Him enough to take your burdens to Him, and let go. I knew this in my head, but alas, my heart has grown colder than I thought. After Mr.Right turned into Mr. Daddy, I was confused, to say the least; I know I did the right thing, but the path was a hard one. Bitterness sets in quickly as the enemy looks for weakness.

    I feel more and more like a caged jaguar these days, incapable of the splendor that accompanies freedom, yet at the same time reveling that my eyes are opened.

    Do I want to know? Honestly, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I long to sit and wait for my friends to catch up, for one person to say, “I am with you. We’re on the same page. I know what you mean.” No, like the  hobbit, this is my burden, yet it is my joy. He is not safe, but He is good.

   As I type this, I was just given an opportunity to help people get out of debt, and after research, am considering it wholeheartedly. Remember the promise of Quixtar? This being said, I talked to Ken today. He asked me why I won’t go back to Quixtar instead of doing this Primerica thing, and I answered him honestly.

   It was a decision of my own making. Crazy as it seems, some people think they have way more influence than they do. They are convinced that God can only be with one person at a time. He is omnipresent people! Anyway, I, in turn, asked him if he thought I looked down upon him for continuing in Quixtar. He said no, with hesitation. My heart breaks for my friend. I don’t know what he’s going through and I can’t help him. Worst of all, he’s not the only one.

  Mark seems to be struggling with some things that my eyes are not open to. Maybe this is part of the distraction. I weep for my brother. As I stretch toward God, I realize it is my friends that I must let go of. I say this with the utmost caution, as not to offend in my heart; this is where my path seperates from theirs.God is getting me ready for His service, and I dare not tarry any longer.

    The preparations are made. The lines have been drawn. My master calls me to His divine embrace.  I love you, but I must move on. Shadows of men I can no longer chase. A follower or a leader? Both take my charge, As I follow on faith, not looking back. As we part and the river flows between us, I recall the beauty of fellowship and days fallen behind. In the splendor of freedom, some things must be lost, that the best be obtained. Let us not part ways forever, my friends. No, this is for but a time. Do not fear for me, as I know who guides my steps. Pray for me, as I keep you in my heart. No matter the distance or time, we are not seperated forever. My love for you will not wane. My hope for you is assured, for the God of faith has a plan for us all.  Safety, I may not have. But, I will be comforted. For when I am weak, I know that God is in control; I am where He wants me to be.

Who is to say when our paths will cross again? Who knows the hour of their homegoing? Not I. Do not be fooled. Hold on to hope; without it, what reason is there to continue? The sun has new power, the thaw of a cold winter gives way to spring, and I, yes I, must wait. With the thaw there must be a release of the floodwaters. As I take the deep breath on the edge of this waterfall, a hesitation moves me to look back.

     Look back; I cannot do it, for there I know I will turn into a pillar not of salt, but stone. Only God can help me now, so the first step I must take; the water’s power is held at bay. It will not be released until I dive into a place of trust that, once breached, cannot be denied. I will bring His glory to the people.

   Trying as this time may be, I encourage that you grow steadfastly in your love of Christ until the time when we fellowship again. For God’s glory. For Love. For the King who is alone worthy of praise. I leap into the arms of my Maker.